Newt Gingrich can’t balance a checkbook but wants us to think he can run the United States.

A couple of quick thoughts before I head off to bed. First, I’d like to acknowledge the three lottery winners in Maryland — a trio of Einstein schoolteachers — who shared a $218 million jackpot and “vow to continue working.” What the hell. Are they INSANE? If you just won $73 million would you show up at school the next day to stand on your feet for seven hours and teach somebody else’s snotty kids? Seriously? I think I’d rather start packing for a six-month world cruise.

Second, somebody PLEASE remind me to listen to Sam from now on, okay? Last night’s dinner at the Asian buffet might have been a better experience if the restaurant actually had some breathing customers. At 6 p.m. — prime-time for dinner — there were maybe a dozen diners in a space designed for 200, and I’m positive most of the food had been sitting on the steam tables since lunch. Even if it’s cheap nobody wants to eat rubber dumplings, sad sushi, chewy fish or rock-hard bits of chicken floating in oil with wedges of sodden zucchini. The only “standouts” — a term I use loosely here — were some stuffed mushrooms and a mediocre spring roll. Sam ate two crab wontons, a scoop of fried rice and seven cubes of cherry Jello. My total overall review in a word: NOT SO GREAT. (That’s actually three words. Sue me.)

Breaking news from the world of Republican politics! Rick Santorum, the Satanic, misogynist birth control cop from the state of Pennsylvania, has finally decided to end his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Thank you, Rick. Adios, goodbye and good riddance.

Unfortunately, Newt Gingrich — that full-time narcissist, egomaniacal blowhard and eternal optimist — continues to plod along with no money, no staff and no supporters. As a matter of fact, according to a report tonight on ABC News’ website Gingrich probably won’t appear on the Utah primary ballot because his campaign paid the $500 filing fee with a RUBBER CHECK. Sure sounds promising, doesn’t it? He can’t balance a checkbook but he wants us to think he can run the United States. Holy crap.

Here are some historical photos of Newt for your possible interest. I found them on a blog called Newt’s Face that’s put together by a dude who’s really into Photoshop.

And now, at last, it’s finally time to hit the sack. Thank you for reading this!