Tonight at 7 it’s “The Ten Commandments,” that classic Passover spectacular.

It’s the wee hours of Saturday morning, Sam’s asleep, and here I am hanging out with the Howdygram and a nice Marcy-tini without ice because the dispenser makes too damn much noise at this hour.

For all you weather nerds out there, the National Weather Service has just confirmed two additional tornadoes during the wild weather extravaganza here on April 3. There was also a tornado in southwestern Denton County and another near in the teeny ranch town of Poetry, bringing the total count to 16. I’m not sure how to break this news to Sam because he loves Poetry and once had a brief yet meaningful relationship there with a steer he named — wait for it — “Longhorny.” Sam and Longhorny are pictured below, bonding back in January 2009.

Just in case you haven’t been watching the Masters tournament at Augusta National, Tiger is sucking considerably after the first two rounds. In a tie for 40th place, he was seen acting like a jerk — including profanity and kicking his 9-iron — after screwing up on the 16th. I’m seriously surprised that the PGA doesn’t fine him for crap like this. Nobody wants to watch a professional athlete act like a crybaby on national television. I’ve been a Tiger fan for years but he’s really on my last nerve now. Thank you for listening.

Breaking news from the wonderful world of television! Tonight on ABC be sure to watch The Ten Commandments, that classic Passover spectacular from 1956 starring Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, fabulous wigs and a cast of thousands.

The movie starts at 7 p.m. Central time, so make yourself a nice matzo omelette and enjoy the show. Click here for our favorite recipe.

I received some happy news from AARP last night, this time “How to Fight Dementia with Tasty Foods.” The aforementioned tasty foods — which don’t sound particularly tasty in any way whatsoever — include: 1) beans; 2) citrus fruit; 3) almonds; 4) oily fish (blecch); 5) spinach; 6) coffee; and 7) vitamin D in milk, soy and eggs. For some inexplicable reason, missing from this list are baloney, Vlasic pickles, beet borscht, Mongolian chicken and Loma Linda fake meat in a can. I am, in a word, devastated.

Thank you for reading this.