If these are “real housewives,” I’m Princess Grace.

Breaking news! Season four of Bravo TV’s official trashfest, the “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” premiers tomorrow at 8 p.m. Central time. Trust me, you don’t want to miss the merry hijinks of five narcissistic, sequined bimbos — whose formal educations combined might equal one GED — and their Mafia wannabe husbands, who speak to one another with respect and affection, such as: “You look at my wife like that again and they’ll have to wire your jaw shut.” Mostly it’s great fun to watch them all spend money they don’t have, get into fistfights at family events and embarrass their children on national television. This is excellent programming and you shouldn’t miss it.

I have nothing else to report at this time except that it’s 2 a.m. and I should be in bed. Thanks a million for stopping by. Tune in later for news about my first batch of teeny pies!