Maybe I’ll just go drown my frustration with a pound of DeMets Turtles.

Know what? I’ve discovered there’s not much else to do at 4 a.m. except fantasize about pies, so I bought myself a Babycakes Pie Maker this morning! You can make FOUR TEENY PIES AT ONE TIME using Pillsbury ready-made refrigerated pie crust dough that you cut out with teeny little tools that come with the pie maker, and you can fill your aforementioned teeny pies with PRACTICALLY ANYTHING, sweet or savory, such as sugar-free cherry pie filling, gefilte fish or leftover Mongolian chicken. I bought my Babycakes Pie Maker from Barnes & Noble (seriously) because their price was the lowest I saw online — $29.99 — with free shipping. A recipe book is included so stay tuned for lots of stupid but fascinating pie posts in the weeks to come. And incidentally, Babycakes has a lot of other options if you’re not into teeny pies, such as teeny doughnuts, teeny cupcakes and teeny waffles. Check out their website. (It’s regular size.)

I bought a bunch of lancets this morning, too. You know, pointy little finger-stabbers for checking my blood sugar. Amazon had them super-cheap at $4 for a box of 100 so I ordered three boxes. I suppose I could have ordered more but I don’t like to be greedy.

For your possible interest here are a couple of Howdygram celebrity before & after pictures … Shelley Fabares with some serious hair issues and the Smothers Brothers, who officially retired from show business last year after announcing that Tom has Alzheimer’s. I guess he can’t remember who mom liked best any more.

I’ve figured out that a lot of crazy shit happens when your blood sugar is out of control. For example: 1) you wake up in the morning with a burning thumb lump and it’s really hard to make the bed; 2) the left side of your tongue itches; 3) the battery dies in your Hyundai and you wind up at Pep Boys; and 4) an idiot always rings the doorbell when you to try to take a nap. All of this actually happened today, including the itchy tongue and Pep Boys. As for the blood sugar issue, I just sent an emergency email to Dr. M to ask what I’m supposed to do. My glucose is so outrageously high right now you wouldn’t believe I’m using any medication at all.

The hell with it. Maybe I’ll just go drown my frustration with a pound of DeMets Turtles or a Sara Lee cheesecake. The kind with oozy strawberries on top.

I have to take my meds now. Thank you for reading this.