Do yourself a favor and never get diabetes.

Here I am, as promised, with brief reviews of several bizarre movies I watched this past weekend.

Riders to the Stars (1954) is about a scientific institute recruiting and launching four volunteers into space in one-man rockets to catch a meteor from a meteor swarm. Things don’t go too well, however. One dude quits in disgust, one goes nuts after he’s launched, one turns into a flying skeleton when he falls out of his rocket ship (don’t ask) and the fourth catches the desired meteor and returns to Earth to get kissed on the lips by Dr. Flynn, played by Martha Hyer in a skin-tight jumpsuit. A good cast — Richard Carlson, William Lundigan, Herbert Marshall — is wasted on dull script with idiotic ideas and a story that moves like sludge. It’s all in Technicolor, however, so at least that’s something.

I also watched the following four 1960s beach party movies. All but one — For Those Who Think Young — were a total waste of time. Here goes.

Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965) features Vincent Price, Dwayne Hickman and Frankie Avalon. This one’s so stupid I actually couldn’t get past the first 35 minutes. Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) is a mad scientist who creates gorgeous female robots in gold bikinis who lure college boys into evil situations, such as making Dwayne Hickman back up his convertible into a fire hydrant. Hysterical, right?

Pajama Party (1964) has to be the worst of the lot. You get Tommy Kirk as a teenager from Mars, Annette Funicello, Harvey Lembeck, Elsa Lanchester and Buster Keaton (who’s older than Methuselah) as an American Indian chasing coeds with a tomahawk. There are no redeeming qualities to this film whatsoever. It just sucks, period.

The Girls on the Beach (1965) stars Noreen Corcoran and a cast of duds except for the Beach Boys, who look embarrassed lip-synching two songs with an idiot girl in Daisy Duke shorts dancing like a spaz right in front of them. The plot here is that Noreen and three sorority sisters get conned by a group of boys who promise they can lure the Beatles to sing at their fundraiser. This is actually much, much worse than it sounds. Although Lesley Gore is on hand to belt out a couple of torch songs, the big hit number at the end of the movie is “I Want to Marry a Beatle” sung by Noreen and the aforementioned sorority sisters. Seriously. A video clip of this hot mess appears below for your possible interest.

For Those Who Think Young (1964) is actually entertaining, funny and naive with a decent cast that includes James Darren, Pamela Tiffin, Paul Lynde, Woody Woodbury, Ellen Burstyn (her first movie), Nancy Sinatra and Bob Denver. I especially want to mention that James Darren (pictured at right) is now 76 years old, has been married to the same woman for 53 years and is still performing. Holy crap, doesn’t he look terrific? Why do men at that age always look so much better than women? (I’m not really expecting an answer, by the way.)

And now I’d better get something to drink because it’s time for my nightly fistful of pills and an insulin injection. For the record, insulin isn’t working very well for me so far. I’ve been increasing my dose by six units every three days but my blood sugar is still more than twice what it’s supposed to be. I still have a long way to go before I reach the maximum dose, though, so keep your fingers crossed. (If I don’t show some progress pretty soon Dr. M says I’ll have to start injecting insulin before every meal. I’m not thrilled about that.)

Do yourself a favor and never get diabetes. Thank you for reading this.