Cordless phones can’t swim.

In case you’ve ever stayed up all night wondering about this, cordless phones can’t swim. And so it is with great sadness that I report a casualty at Howdygram headquarters from yesterday’s massive tornado outbreak here in the Dallas metro area. Sam accidentally left one of our cordless phone handsets out on the patio to drown and get pummeled by hailstones. But I suppose I should admit this is no big deal whatsoever because I always hated the damn thing!

We bought this crappy Panasonic cordless when we moved into our house five years ago but didn’t realize until after we unpacked the equipment and set up the base unit and both handsets that A VOICE ANNOUNCES THE INCOMING CALLER’S NAME AND PHONE NUMBER after every ring ... and there’s no way to make it stop. I read Panasonic’s manual cover to cover at least a dozen times and their 800-number help line was equally useless. But none of this matters any more because thanks to the aforementioned drowning I just ordered us a new set of 100% non-verbal V-Tech cordless phones from Amazon that shipped immediately from their Kansas distribution center and will be delivered here TOMORROW. Oy. Is this incredible, or what?

And now I think I’d better get myself ready because I’m starving and Sam wants to have dinner at Mariano’s Hacienda. This is a brilliant idea and well worth the effort of wearing a bra. Thank you for reading this.