A strange state of affairs.

Tuesday was a mighty weird day. I’ll begin by announcing that David flew back to Los Angeles yesterday — TWO DAYS EARLY — but it had nothing at all to do with Howdygram hospitality, the excellent accommodations or our packed refrigerator. Read on for all the details.

First, we had a top-notch visit to the Choctaw Casino on Monday, where we enjoyed their massive buffet of above-average food, David played poker and Sam won a mind-blowing payout — $54 on a 30¢ investment — from a very lucky penny slot machine that also blasted calypso music loud enough to make Sam turn red. For dinner we took David to Saltgrass Steakhouse. In addition to eating some really nice food we also had a chance to watch the Rangers beat the Tigers with an 11th inning GRAND SLAM HOME RUN. I don’t know which was better — the game or my steak sandwich. (Okay. The steak sandwich.)

Sam and David did the Texas State Fair on Tuesday without me. I had a last-minute change of heart and decided it would be too much shlepping for a creaky senior with a cane and an attitude. The guys apparently had a blast, however, and saw historical Civil War exhibits, the crazy midway with people flying around on contraptions, sat in several hundred overpriced cars at the auto show, walked through the Hall of Crap where you can buy all those essential slicers, dicers and miracle knives you see on TV, and watched a few blue ribbon “domestic arts” competitions. Sam said they both stayed away from exotic fried food monstrosities. This was a smart move since nobody wants to get sick on chicken-fried bacon or a wad of deep-fried bubble gum in the middle of the fairgrounds.

And now everything goes completely kablooey. About half an hour after Sam and David got home from the Fair I receive a strange phone call from the Los Angeles police department asking for David. HIS HOUSE HAD JUST BEEN BURGLARIZED. I have no idea how the police found our phone number, but David decided he’d better go home right away so we call American Airlines, change his return ticket and drive him to the airport in time for a 7:45 p.m. flight back to Burbank. This all happens so fast I still expect to see him sitting at Sam’s computer with a yogurt. I’ll post an update after we hear from David in a couple of days, so stay tuned.

I hope these damn criminals wind up on “America’s Most Wanted” for wrecking a perfectly wonderful vacation. Thank you for reading this.