Truth is stranger than fiction.

After a nice brunch at Blue Mesa Grill and a driving tour of Dallas in the rain, Sam, David and I spent most of the day on Sunday watching the final round of the Frys.com Open on the Golf Channel — easily the screwiest PGA event we’ve ever seen. First, a fan was arrested for running onto the seventh green and throwing a hot dog at Tiger Woods. Witnesses say the bun fell short of where Woods was putting; the hot dog landed on the green. There is no information about the mustard.

Tiger ultimately finished the tournament in a tie for 30th. He later told reporters he plans to develop a new swing to protect himself from sausage missiles in time for his next comeback.

The highlight of the day, however, was the never-ending, six-hole sudden death playoff — an oxymoron if I ever heard one — between “Faux Phil” Molder and Briny Baird that dragged on for hours until everybody was swinging in the dark. There was nothing “sudden” about this death whatsoever.

These two goofballs defy description. Both have been playing professional golf for at least 12 years but NEVER WON ANYTHING. Molder, who eventually finished on top, looks like Phil Mickelson’s younger, skinnier twin and has a caddy — a dead ringer for Tweedle-Dum! — who should consider changing careers immediately before he has a heart attack. As for Baird, his record with the PGA had been so pathetic until now that all the usual corporate sponsors — Callaway Golf, Taylormade, Titleist, Nike — apparently refused to touch him. So the dude spent four days channeling Jimmy Buffett in a stupid straw hat that advertised P. F. Chang’s Chinese Bistro.

In other news, please accept my apology. A few days ago I posted that we were taking David to the WinStar Casino in Thackery, Oklahoma — except yesterday Sam managed to convince me that we’re not going to the WinStar, it’s the Choctaw Casino in Durant. The Choctaw Casino (see below) is the one with the sugar-free dessert bar (I actually dream about it) and a million penny slot machines.

They also have an excellent parking lot, huge rest rooms with electronic foaming soap dispensers and a gorgeous adjacent hotel. I’ll try to take some pictures.

Although this will probably sound like a line from a Three Stooges movie, it’s time to wake up Sam (he’s asleep in the family room) so we can go to bed. Thank you for reading this.