Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween and other pointless pursuits.

Just in case you haven’t read enough stories this year about sickening excess, you might be interested to know that America’s Queen of Greed — reality TV star KIM KARDASHIAN — filed for divorce today after only two months of marriage. (My skin started to itch just thinking about this.)

At the end of August Kardashian’s $10 million over-the-top “fairytale” wedding to Kris Humphries was taped for broadcast on E! Entertainment Television with an estimated $15 million payout to the bride. She also sold exclusive rights to her wedding photos to “People” magazine for $2.5 million, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she refuses to return her 20-carat engagement ring and wedding gifts because I don’t think this third-rate bimbo has ever demonstrated a shred of decency in her entire life. (I sincerely hope that E! and “People” consider suing her for fraud.)

Kardashian is mostly famous for gigantic fake breasts, a face that looks like wax, her former friendship with Paris Hilton and a widely-circulated sex tape with an ex-boyfriend … all of which she parlayed successfully into THREE concurrent Kardashian-based reality series. And if that’s not obnoxious enough for you, she’s got two sisters and a mother all cut from the same creepy, overpriced cloth.

One final thought. According to TMZ Kardashian filed divorce papers after the couple had an argument — obviously the last straw! — about where to spend Halloween, and as mature, serious adults we all know that a meaningful holiday like Halloween would be a deal-breaker for ANY marriage.

And while I’m on the subject of Halloween …

Anybody who plans to come trick-or-treating here tonight please skip my house because I’m not opening the door, and I didn’t open the door LAST year, either. If your kids really can’t live without stale bubble gum and teeny boxes of Raisinets, please go to Wal-Mart and buy your own.
Tonight I plan to curl up in the family room with lemonade, a couple of Schwan’s tamales and my brand new 630-page Steve Jobs biography — with LOTS OF PICTURES! — that came a few days ago. I can’t wait to get started, so thank you for not annoying me.

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