Whoops.

I’ll begin with today’s unexpected tragedy — a seller from Amazon.com screwed up my order for the Jerry Lewis movie, The Ladies Man. He sent me a different DVD with the same title starring Tim Meadows. I want to know who the hell is Tim Meadows, what’s with the afro and who does he think he is impersonating a big star like JERRY LEWIS.

I emailed the seller a little while ago and asked how can I exchange this for the DVD I actually ordered. Please try to go about your normal routine until it all gets sorted out. Thank you.

Another Amazon story. A couple of weeks ago I ordered Ninotchka — the 1939 masterpiece with Greta Garbo and Melvyn Douglas. A couple of days later the seller sends an email announcing that he’s “throwing in” a valuable hardcover book ABSOLUTELY FREE because he’s so excited that I’m spending $2.95 for a used movie. Well, the book arrived in the mail today and it’s a weird thing called “Loving Garbo,” the strange and sleazy story of her 40-year ménage à trois romance with American lesbian playwright Mercedes de Acosta and homosexual costume designer Cecil Beaton — with tons of pictures, excruciating detail and love letters. I can’t imagine who would ever want to know all this weird crap, but it definitely isn’t ME.

Late-breaking landscaping news! We bought a terrific Texas Ash today at Treeland that will be delivered and planted on October 28. It was $150 less than the Chinese Pistachio we originally thought we wanted PLUS they knocked off an extra 10% and will remove our dead Autumn Blaze Maple at no charge. We are exceptionally happy. On the way home we stopped at Sugarless Delite so I could buy a couple of cheesecake brownies. They’re TO DIE FOR and I’m saving them for tomorrow. And since it’s almost 11:30, tomorrow is only half an hour from now!

Thank you for reading this. Send napkins.