Like nuclear waste, some deadly slime never goes away ... and my client from hell is certainly one of them. You may recall her never-ending sack of
OCTOBER 11. Her money order gets lost in the mail. She’s confused. She promises a replacement by the 15th.
OCTOBER 17. The replacement check doesn’t arrive. She’s VERY upset about the U.S. postal service. I take her website offline for non-payment.
OCTOBER 20. We talk on the phone. No longer confused and upset about a “lost money order” or a “missing check,” she pleads for more time to pay because: 1) We’re trying to start a new business venture; 2) Oh my God we have so many bills right now; 3) there’s an illness in the family; 4) there’s a problem with our bank account; 5) Michael isn’t working; 6) I can’t get reimbursed for the lost money order for at least another month; 7) why won’t people give us a break; 8) if you can wait until November 4 you’ll get your money GUARANTEED. I make sure she understands that November 4 is the ABSOLUTELY FINAL NO-MORE-HORSESHIT DEADLINE.
NOVEMBER 4. I receive NOTHING. Not a single, stinking dime.
NOVEMBER 5. I call my web hosting service and delete every shred of her miserable account. Several hours later she leaves a voice mail so I’ll know another check was mailed overnight for delivery on November 6. Also, why doesn’t her email work any more? Because your account is CLOSED, you idiot deadbeat ... but actually I decide not to respond.
NOVEMBER 6. She leaves another voice mail asking why didn’t I confirm receiving yesterday’s message about her check. I decide to sit this one out, too. And FYI, I also didn’t receive your most recent “overnight delivery.” The gods must really hate you.
NOVEMBER 7. In today’s voice mail message she advises that her money order will be here FOR SURE on Friday. Not only don’t I give an atom of a molecule of a crap about this any more, if her stupid payment ever gets here I plan to return it with a scathing letter ... VIA MULE TEAM.
OCTOBER 17. The replacement check doesn’t arrive. She’s VERY upset about the U.S. postal service. I take her website offline for non-payment.
OCTOBER 20. We talk on the phone. No longer confused and upset about a “lost money order” or a “missing check,” she pleads for more time to pay because: 1) We’re trying to start a new business venture; 2) Oh my God we have so many bills right now; 3) there’s an illness in the family; 4) there’s a problem with our bank account; 5) Michael isn’t working; 6) I can’t get reimbursed for the lost money order for at least another month; 7) why won’t people give us a break; 8) if you can wait until November 4 you’ll get your money GUARANTEED. I make sure she understands that November 4 is the ABSOLUTELY FINAL NO-MORE-HORSESHIT DEADLINE.
NOVEMBER 4. I receive NOTHING. Not a single, stinking dime.
NOVEMBER 5. I call my web hosting service and delete every shred of her miserable account. Several hours later she leaves a voice mail so I’ll know another check was mailed overnight for delivery on November 6. Also, why doesn’t her email work any more? Because your account is CLOSED, you idiot deadbeat ... but actually I decide not to respond.
NOVEMBER 6. She leaves another voice mail asking why didn’t I confirm receiving yesterday’s message about her check. I decide to sit this one out, too. And FYI, I also didn’t receive your most recent “overnight delivery.” The gods must really hate you.
NOVEMBER 7. In today’s voice mail message she advises that her money order will be here FOR SURE on Friday. Not only don’t I give an atom of a molecule of a crap about this any more, if her stupid payment ever gets here I plan to return it with a scathing letter ... VIA MULE TEAM.
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