The Great Eyebrow Incident and other news.

Holy crap, I just woke up from the nap of a lifetime! Seriously, I conked out on the chaise in our family room around 4:45 and slept like somebody drugged me until around 7 p.m. I feel like a million bucks now. Let’s get a pizza! (Okay, not really.)

The aforementioned nap of a lifetime notwithstanding, my entire day has been extremely strange, come to think of it. At noon I decided to drive to Gio’s New York Deli in Dallas — yes, I realize how weird that sounds — to buy the chopped liver I’ve been craving for the last few weeks, except when I was practically there I realized I didn’t want chopped liver after all, turned around at the Park Central exit on I-635 and headed back to Mesquite, where I pulled into Slab’s, less than three minutes from home, for some good ol’ TEXAS BARBECUE. I got me a box of chopped brisket and a little bucket of sauce. (Slab’s has great sauce.) Yee-haw!

The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite; B) Gio’s New York Deli in Dallas; C) the exit where I turned around on I-635; and D) Slab’s Barbecue on Galloway Avenue. In case you care, Slab’s has two parking spots and there’s a tailor shop next door.

Continuing with my “extremely strange day” theme, I accidentally ELIMINATED MY EYEBROWS this morning. Trust me ... do NOT buy Veet unless you’re planning to rip the hair off your legs or another very large area of real estate!

It’s the classic conundrum. I can’t do my eyebrows when I’m wearing my glasses, but if I take them off I’m blind as a bat. I didn’t let that stop me. I went ahead and used Veet wax strips on the “unibrow” region — or so I thought — and essentially tore off both eyebrows in the process. Sam asked if it hurt and I said no, on a general pain scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being plantar fasciitis and carpal tunnel syndrome, eyebrow removal is slightly less than 1. I’m not sure the answer made either of us very happy, however.

Octomom is in the news again. Nadya Suleman’s bankruptcy case was thrown out of court yesterday after she neglected to file all the required paperwork. This means the bank can move forward with foreclosure proceedings on her house in La Habra and the rest of her creditors can resume pursuing her for money. Suleman claims she has zero assets to pay her water and electric bills, her mortgage or her children’s school costs and estimates that she owes at least $500,000 and maybe as much as $1 million.

A few of Octomom’s creditors include her father, Kaiser Permanente Hospital, Sparkletts Water, all of her public utilities, cable TV, wireless service, a Christian school, a pre-school in Whittier and Sylvan Learning Center. In addition, she’s also being investigated by Children and Family Services that her house is unfit for habitation. Investigators found filth and chaos, holes punched in the walls, graffiti everywhere, a broken and barricaded bathroom and toddlers using a port-a-potty that’s located on the patio. It should be noted, however, that Octomom finds money for hair extensions — which cost about $1,000 — and a personal trainer. She is currently looking for work as a porn star.

I think I’ll go eat some gefilte fish, make myself a pineapple soda and watch five “Hardcore Pawn” reruns plus a strange movie I recorded yesterday on TCM ... The Hatchet Man (1932) starring Edward G. Robinson as a Chinese hit man and Loretta Young as his wife. This could turn out to be much worse than my eyebrows.

Have a nice day and say hi to the family for me.