Meet “Professor Catfish.”

It’s your lucky day because I’ve got another Holy Crap Gallery for you, this time featuring the original James Bond heart-throbs from decades past ... Sean Connery and Roger Moore. Personally, I think Connery still looks great; Moore not so much, but he’s 85 and cross-eyed so I’ll cut him some slack.

Have you ever Googled an extremely meaningless person from your past that you haven’t really thought about for a bunch of decades? I did, a couple of hours ago. I Googled my former boss from the Southern Gas Association ... back when I lived in Dallas in 1987 with my first husband. This is what I found online (see below) with the caption “Meet Professor Catfish.” He currently lives in the vicinity of Wichita, Kansas, and apparently has a whole new career. I’m thinking he should also consider a guest spot on “Hee Haw.”

Breaking news. I’ve discovered two more FANTASTIC FOOD WEBSITES that I’d like to share with you! The first is Asian Food Grocer, based in San Francisco, where you can buy just about anything you’d find in an Asian supermarket with the possible exception of live eels or an octopus. The products I ordered today are pictured below, clockwise from top left: 1) shirataki — zero calories and zero carbs! — noodle dumplings; 2) two bags of dried shiitake mushrooms; 3) three containers of shirataki noodles in sesame ginger sauce; 4) firm tofu; and 5) ready-to-eat shirataki “lunch boxes” in a couple of potentially awesome flavors (wasabi and Szechwan).

Asian Food Grocer even offers cheap flat-rate shipping when you spend $25, which provides an excellent opportunity to load up on a ton of amazing crapola because nearly everything they sell costs less than $1.50. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it.

My other new discovery is the National Mustard Museum, an adorable website from Wisconsin that sells every kind of mustard on the planet and possibly even a few from Mars. I haven’t ordered anything yet, however, because I’m currently assessing my overall mustard requirements. (Translation: I don’t need any.)

And finally, I ordered two more freeze-dried textured vegetable protein whatnots today from Shelf Reliance: 1) crumbled breakfast sausage TVP; and 2) taco-seasoned beef TVP that apparently tastes like Taco Bell meat. Since I’ve always got high-fiber low-carb flour tortillas in the house I figure I can make myself some cheap and healthy faux Mexican food with the TVP and a teeny wad of shredded cheese.

Now that I’m officially STARVING I think it’s time to migrate into the kitchen and figure out what’s for dinner. Thanks for stopping by.