Diabetics jump through all kinds of stupid hoops to satisfy a craving.

Sam will be home from work late tonight. Actually, that’s an understatement ... he’s already late. He’s usually home by 10:30 and it’s a few minutes past midnight. While I wait I’m seriously considering a big glass of vanilla Soy Slender soy milk and a plate of Bogus Doughnuts, which technically are a couple of low-carb biscuits with low-carb fruit spread and granulated Splenda sprinkled on top so I can pretend they’re bismarcks. Photos appear below for your possible interest.

Incidentally, please don’t laugh at me. Diabetics jump through all kinds of stupid hoops to satisfy a craving.

There was a thrilling breakthrough today in the O.J. Simpson hearing in Las Vegas, where the judge allowed court officers to unchain one of O.J.’s hands so he could eat mints and drink water. Nothing else appears to be going very well for The Juice, however, so please check in with the Howdygram for additional updates as they become available.

Know what? I just figured out you’re never too old to learn something new. I get a postcard in the mail this afternoon from AT&T inviting me to “expand my experience with U-Verse.com,” an activity that would typically draw an unpleasant response — i.e., WTF, I’d rather inject insulin — except today, for reasons unknown, I decide to read the ad. Or try to, because it’s badly designed, barely legible (20% gray type on a 15% gray background) and almost impossible to read. The news, however, was stunning. After three years as a U-Verse customer I find out today there’s a special U-Verse website that lets me PROGRAM THE DVR FROM MY COMPUTER while I sit in the study writing Howdygram posts!

Holy crap, people, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HUGE! Without getting up from my desk I just scanned ahead to program movies and TV shows through the middle of next week, cancelled a movie I’d scheduled earlier and erased a couple that I didn’t want any more. Even better, I can search the entire U-Verse channel lineup for program titles, set up and manage series recordings, filter all the listings for HD only and arrange for somebody to make popocorn! (Just kidding about the popcorn.) I’m so damn excited I’ve decided to take back all the nasty crap I’ve written about AT&T during the last couple of years. I love these guys.

Thank you for reading this!