I’d rather have hemorrhoids than Rick Perry in the White House.

And now, the latest from Rick Perry’s campaign! Apparently our blowhard Einstein had a “miraculous transformation” last week after watching an anti-abortion film produced by former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Perry now claims he is completely against abortion for any reason whatsoever, even in cases of rape and incest, and has signed a stringent (translation: right-wing extremist) Personhood USA Pledge that expects signatories to oppose abortion “without exception and without compromise.” Obviously Governor Hairdo thinks a woman should be forced to reward a rapist by bearing his child.

This is the same jerk who tried to pass a law in Texas subjecting women seeking legal abortions to undergo a fetal sonogram and listen to the fetus’ heartbeat, be required to sit through a lecture by her doctor describing the fetus and the size of its limbs, and then wait an additional 24 hours before surgery. Perry’s proposed anti-abortion law — the most extreme in the United States — was based on the assumption that a woman is too immature and incompetent to choose an abortion without “informed consent.” However, according to an attorney for the Center for Reproductive Rights, “Informed consent is about medical risk. Pregnant women are already aware that they’re carrying a fetus.”

Perry’s law was struck down. And his candidacy for President should be struck down, too. I’d rather have hemorrhoids than Rick Perry in the White House, and I don’t care who knows it. Holy crap.

It’s that time again. Time to publish a list of Marcy’s Resolutions for the New Year … a collection of over-reaching personal directives that I’ll probably screw up on or before January 2. Here they are for your possible interest and amusement.

• Make a serious effort to cut back on yellow cake with chocolate frosting and eat more devil’s food cake with vanilla frosting. Also brownies.
• Pretend I like my clients and consider answering the phone once in a while.
• Consume fewer bags of Chester’s Puffcorn Cheese and Butter flavors. Vow to try Flamin’ Hot.

• Stop smashing my toes on our new family room furniture.
• Try one new restaurant every month.
• Increase Howdygram readership by posting naked pictures of random people. (Feel free to submit your photo here.)
• Buy stock in Amazon.com.

Please don’t hesitate to share some of your New Year’s resolutions because Howdygramsters far and wide would love to know. Thank you for reading this!