Why do bald people love cowboy hats?

The headlines are all over the place ... Herman Cain has something GINORMOUS to announce today! Although he’s not giving out any advance hints, most media sources — including the Howdygram news desk — can pretty much guess what’s going on. Herman will either tell us there’s a two-for-one sale at Godfather Pizza or he’s pulling out of the GOP race because all of his former female friends, co-workers and money-grubbing pals in skirts just can’t stop making up stories about him. In my personal opinion the dude is pretty damn stupid to run for national office with so much crap piled up in his past. And his poor wife is probably so disgusted she’s ready to shove that hat up his nose.

An Arresting Development. And now for something completely different. On Friday in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a 13-year-old middle school student was arrested for burping in gym class. His teacher called the school resource officer, who asked law enforcement authorities to arrest him for “interfering with public education.” The Albuquerque Police were fine with that and think it’s a good idea to arrest a child for being a kid — when did belching become illegal? — and haul him downtown to the central detention facility without contacting his parents, who are suing.

Last year the boy’s attorney said she won a class action suit against the Albuquerque Police Department for routinely arresting children for nonviolent crimes. That suit was started by the parents of a girl in grammar school who was arrested for not wanting to sit next to a boy with B.O. Albuquerque is frightening. I’ll bet they have a firing squad if you pass notes in study hall.

The Latest Jobs Report. I’ve been reading and enjoying the new 600-page biography about Steve Jobs (the one released two weeks after he died) and thought I’d mention something that really interested me. Steve was adopted as a baby. Although he eventually developed a close relationship with a biological sister, he never knew or wanted to meet his biological father, who’s pictured below. I think this is sort of an eerie look into the future if Steve had lived to be 80 years old. Amazing, isn’t it? They even wear the same glasses!

I’m not tired enough to sleep yet so I think I’ll refill my glass of Coke Zero and read for a while. Thanks for stopping by.