When technology sucks.

I’m sick of technology, and Facebook has to be the worst. Because I choose not to waste my life posting banal public messages on somebody’s “wall” I’m made to feel like a social outcast. Every business on the Internet wants me to “like” them before I qualify for a coupon and lately I can’t even post a comment to an online news article unless I’m signed in to a Facebook account. For the record, I’m also sick of “celebrity tweets.” Don’t people read books, make soup or take naps any more?

I also want to crab about email for a minute. Although I enjoy an occasional email as much as the next person I really resent the never-ending commercial crap. For instance, after placing my very first $9 web order with PaperGoods.com two weeks ago — which also might be my last — they haven’t stopped bombarding me with ads, daily discounts, special offers, contests (who the hell wants to win paper cups?) and invitations to join a stupid reseller program. Come on … does anybody really sign up to resell Saran Wrap?

Other serious email offenders include Kirkland’s, “Southern Living” magazine and Vista Print.

My top-ranking pet peeve, though, is still AARP — the American Association of Royal Pests — for sending at least four emails a day on critical topics such as:

“Job Ideas for Retirees”

“Win a Trip to the Grammys”

“Veggies That Spice Up the Holidays”

“Save $3.60 on Kellogg’s Cereal”

“Take Care of Your Gums”

“Marlo Thomas Wants You to Laugh”

“Master Indoor Gardening”

“Learn to Play Pyramid Solitaire”

“Don’t Ignore Your Feet”

This is in addition to AARP’s daily snail-mail offers for long-term care insurance, cruise discounts, Medicare supplements, prescription drug programs and shameless requests for money. Plus ongoing political causes and how to send hate mail to Congress. (I’m actually okay with the hate mail part.)

Maybe I should think about lunch for a while because we’ve got some swell chicken tamales that Sam bought yesterday at Costco. Tamales are good. Pass the hot sauce and thank you for reading this.