A bevy of assorted bulletins.

Wake up. I’ve got a few urgent bulletins from the Howdygram news desk.

Bulletin #1. I haven’t eaten anything yet today and my stomach is making some creepy noises. Food would be an excellent idea, and it’s number one on my agenda after I write this post.

Bulletin #2. I saw Dr. M this morning. She increased the dosage for one of my diabetes meds (injectable Victoza) and might add a new pill for high triglycerides when we find out the results of my lab tests on Monday. All in all it was an uneventful office visit with exception of my stellar, textbook-perfect blood pressure (110/70) and a shingles vaccine. Also, the lobby of the clinic was so busy at 9 a.m. it looked like the perfume counter at Macy’s the week before Christmas.

Bulletin #3. After Sam left for work this afternoon I drove over to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up a few new goodies, such as a king-size mocha-colored bedskirt, a stunning new patterned throw pillow and a chrome shower caddy. I’ll try to shoot a few photos this afternoon but I’m not promising anything.

Bulletin #4. I don’t know about YOU, but I’m really sick of crappy news … and lately it seems that we’re suffocating in it 24 hours a day. For instance, there are ongoing problems with the safety of our nation’s food supply because whenever I look at any of the major news websites they’re warning us about moldy applesauce, glow-in-the-dark nuclear rice from Japan, contaminated Skippy peanut butter, contaminated Ready Pac bagged salads, contaminated pistachios, contaminated ground turkey, contaminated ground beef, dangerous eggs (McDonald’s had to dump its biggest supplier) and tainted EVERYTHING from China. It’s gotten to the point that my entire diet consists of Cheetos, halva and Coke Zero. And if the food issues aren’t scary enough, all of a sudden we find out there’s a crew of greedy waiters in some of New York City’s finest steakhouses hacking into their customers’ American Express accounts and a low-life yacht captain insisting that Robert Wagner murdered his wife back in 1981.

Dude … NATALIE WOOD HAS BEEN DEAD FOR THIRTY YEARS. Enough already!

Pictured above are Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood — possibly the most beautiful couple EVER — and the grubby doofus named Dennis Davern (see inset) who wants her accidental drowning reinvestigated.

I’ll bet you’ve noticed by now that I changed the Howdygram font. I might change it back later today but for now I’d rather eat lunch. Thank you for reading this.