Eat This. In a groundbreaking fast food bulletin, Burger King is pleased to announce the introduction of THICKER AND BETTER FRENCH FRIES effective December 5. Whoppers, however, will continue to suck for the foreseeable future.
Creepy Cain, the Political Curiosity. Chick magnet and presidential candidate Herman Cain has reassessed the level of sexual harrassment and adultery allegations derailing his run for the White House and decided he’s “doing fine.”
Just between us, I’d sure hate to see what “shitty” looks like.
From the Howdygram’s Research Clearinghouse. In a recent report Argentinian scientists describe how they placed semen samples from 29 healthy men under a laptop connected to the Internet via Wi-Fi and then hit “download,” resulting in
fried sperm. These results were similar to a urologists’ study last year that revealed how a man with a laptop balanced on his knees can crank up the temperature of his scrotum. (An actual photo of unfried sperm appears at left.) Other scientists have found that radiation from cell phones can create “feeble sperm,” too, a fact that certainly could explain how Rick Perry was conceived. The culprit?
Electromagnetic radiation generated during wireless communication. Bottom line … the Howdygram seriously doubts that many men actually use computers or cell phones squashed against their nuts, but of course we’re generally out of touch with modern technology trends. For instance, what the hell is Twitter?
Sam & Marcy’s Shopping Spree. On tap for today … a quick morning shlep over to Costco for a cartful of essentials, including a gigantic three-pack of Classico pasta sauce, kitchen trash bags, lox, stuffed portobello mushrooms, a tub of cashews and an industrial-size package of Sam’s favorite chicken taquitos. We do NOT need socks, Christmas lights or fish oil capsules, in case you were wondering.
Thank y’all for reading this.
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