Announcing the world’s first 24-hour cupcake ATM machine.

Hi, howdy and here’s hopin’ you’re havin’ a happy, happy Friday! While a massive tornado outbreak — Auntie Em! — this afternoon in Indiana, Tennessee, Kentucky and Ohio propels unsuspecting citizens to Oz, I’m here at the Howdygram nerve center in sunny Texas waiting for UPS to deliver a tube of skin cream from Amazon.com. Because a girl always needs to exfoliate ... no matter what.

Just listed! The Howdygram is pleased to offer this peek at a hot property that’s on the market in Hickory Creek, Texas, just a few miles north of Dallas. Say hello to “Champ d’Or,” an intricately-designed, 48,000-square-foot six-bedroom, eight-bath French chateau masterpiece on 40 acres of land. Built in 2002, Champ d’Or offers a life of unparalleled luxury — including an attached garage, dishwasher and central air — just minutes away from public transportation, two nice malls, a big airport and Jiffy Lube. To be sold at auction on March 30 by Sotheby’s; a check for $10.3 million will make it yours. Bring the kids. Free parking.

Ever had a middle-of-the-night cupcake craving that just won’t go away? If you live in southern California, you’re in luck. Sprinkles bakery in Beverly Hills has installed the world’s first 24-hour cupcake ATM machine (see below) located between their cupcake store on Santa Monica Boulevard and a new Sprinkles ice cream shop that will open later this spring. The ATM dispenses Sprinkles’ famously-overpriced cupcakes and cupcake mixes in case you have an uncontrollable urge to be really stupid at 4 a.m.

I found out last night that Sam will have to work Saturday and Sunday, so I figure I’ll fill my free time with a big client project I’ve been trying to avoid since last Friday. I’m not, contrary to how it obviously appears, LAZY. I’m just NOT MOTIVATED any more, even when it involves nice people offering me a bunch of money. I’m officially in retirement mode and all I want to do is shop for knick-knacks, eat sugar-free pie and write posts for the Howdygram. Sugar-free pie, I’ve discovered, is an important part of a balanced diet and stands proudly at the top of the Howdygram food pyramid ... right next to sugar-free cake.

Thank you for reading this.