Glorioski, I just received another extraordinary bounty from UPS! A couple of hours ago I decided to wait for them in the living room window because I knew the cartons would weigh a ton and I’d never be able to shlep them inside by myself. It wasn’t exactly a waste of time, however, as I read 77 pages of the Clifton Webb biography that came yesterday.
Today’s UPS delivery included 12 cans of Loma Linda fake fried chicken (with gravy!) from
Amazon.com and great big bottles of sugar-free raspberry and caramel syrup from
DaVinci Gourmet. For obvious reasons I’m quite well-known in our social circle as an aficionado of fine food and literature. (Not really. We don’t have a social circle. We don’t even have
friends.) I also received a pair of very cute natural-color canvas shoes that appear above in red because that’s the only picture I could find. I might order one more color because they fit great. Maybe olive.
Breaking news from the Lone Star State! Later this month the Texas Navy will deploy its fleet of six gunboats — two of which are illustrated below — that will cruise the Rio Grande to combat drug smuggling, illegal immigration and contraband burritos coming across the river from Mexico. Governor Rick “Guns-R-Us” Perry will help launch the first patrol as soon as his pirate hat arrives.
Don’t mess with Texas, y’all.
And now it’s time for dinner, after which I plan to watch today’s episode of “People’s Court” and make a sugar-free pistachio cream pie. Do I have a great life, or what? Thank you for reading this.
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