Exfoliating may be the bright spot of my weekend.

Hi, boys and girls. I’ve had a strange Saturday night minus Sam, who’s been at the office since 3:30 this afternoon. I napped a little, ate mozzarella sticks and sugar-free pie, tried to work on a client project and eventually watched two episodes of “Cupcake Wars” — the most idiotic reality competition EVER — and a peculiar movie called The Bowery (1933) starring Wallace Beery, George Raft (so young I almost didn’t recognize him), Jackie Cooper, Fay Wray as Raft’s love interest and Pert Kelton as Trixie the tramp.

The Bowery tells the story of a pair of neighborhood big shots who run competing fire brigades at the end of the 19th century. Partly based in truth, Wallce Beery plays Chuck Connors and George Raft is Steve Brodie, apparently the first dude ever to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and survive. For the record, I didn’t get the point of any of this.

Part comedy, part drama, The Bowery is the most politically incorrect movie I think I’ve ever seen and opens with a drunken brawl in Nigger Joe’s saloon. (I kid you not. That’s what it says on the sign.) Next we see juvenile delinquent Jackie Cooper get the OK from his adopted dad (Beery) to throw rocks at “chink windows” (the windows of the Chinese laundry), and when he does he breaks a gaslight and the entire building catches fire. While dozens of Chinese men on the upper floors are screaming for help — and being ignored! — these two stupid fire brigades beat each other up in the street and Cooper sits on the curb cheering. Holy mother of crap.

I think my favorite character in the film is probably Pert Kelton as the floozie entertainer in Wallace Beery’s dance hall, because her New York accent is hilarious and some of her numbers are surprisingly risqué. (Films before 1934 weren’t censored.) She’s probably best known as Shirley Jones’ mother in The Music Man.

And now for something completely different! I was pondering the Howdygram’s official food pyramid a little while ago and realized that it doesn’t reflect Sam’s dietary requirements in any way whatsoever. Therefore I just spent the last hour of my life researching and developing the graphic that appears below. For your possible interest and amusement, I’m pleased to introduce ...

I think I’ll go exfoliate now and watch “Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares” while I wait for Sam to come home. Thank you for reading this.