Oy. What if these people are a bunch of survivalists?

Holy crap. I think I accidentally just got myself involved in something weird. I went back to the website (Shelf Reliance) where I bought that can organizer yesterday for our pantry and discovered they also sell their own line of mysterious DEHYDRATED FOOD, such as freeze-dried veggies, freeze-dried ground beef, freeze-dried grains, eggs, milk, fruit and God knows what else ... all with “shelf life stability” into the next millennium. I got slightly carried away and ordered small cans of freeze-dried ground beef and freeze-dried chopped onions. I have no idea what I’m going to do with this stuff, but it’s a cheap adventure and I’ve been known to eat damn near anything. Loma Linda fake meat, for instance.

However, all of sudden I’m thinking — oy — what if these people are a bunch of SURVIVALISTS? You know, wackos who sit around waiting for Armageddon? The whole website has a panicky undertone with articles about: 1) do you know your children spend 25% of their lives away from home; 2) why you should pay off your debts; and 3) how to freak out your friends and loved ones with frightening instructions whenever they go to the mall without you. I have no idea how any of this relates to dehydrated asparagus, but if you get sucked in by it all you might be an excellent candidate for Thrive’s “business opportunity.” It’s probably like hosting Tupperware parties except everybody wears a helmet.

Stay tuned for more details and thank you for reading this.