Sarah Palin, pink slime and baloney.

Glorioski, y’all. I slept 11 hours last night! I’m sure this has a lot to do with Sam’s insane hours this week and the fact that I stay up really late sometimes to wait for him. It didn’t work out that way last night, however, because I went to bed at 1 a.m. and he didn’t get home until 4:20.

I just read an insane opinion piece by columnist Timothy Stanley on CNN.com titled “If Only Sarah Palin Had Run.” Either this dude is an Einstein or he’s just posted an early April Fool’s prank. Stanley suggests that Sarah’s “weaknesses are a thing of the past,” she’s had “fewer gaffes than Gingrich” and is “far more disciplined than Rick Santorum.” Seriously? Are you on her payroll? Sarah Palin is as lame as ever! She’s a snotty, self-serving, vindictive juvenile who’s dumb as a rock, spent six years trying to get a four-year degree from a third-rate college, quit her job as governor of Alaska for a fatter paycheck in the private sector and — in case you have a really short memory — has already been tested as a candidate for vice president and failed miserably. Sarah Palin’s 15 minutes of fame were up four years ago.

Thank you for putting up with me. I mean this sincerely.

While I’m on the subject of idiots in politics, Governor Rick Einstein Perry is singing the praises of “lean, finely textured beef” — you know, pink slime — since slime-producer Beef Products, Inc. operates a facility here in Texas and recently halted operations at several of its plants due to plummeting demand caused by negative media frenzy. Perry says that “science supports keeping this lean beef product on grocery store shelves,” and Beef Products, Inc. thinks we’d be comforted to know they’ve been adding their product to our ground beef for at least 20 years.

I’ve actually given this subject some thought lately. Twenty years ago is probably around the same time we stopped seeing beef labeled “ground chuck,” “ground round” and “ground sirloin” in favor of “85% lean,” “94% lean” and so on … because I’ll bet that’s when pink slime entered the picture. Holy crap. I’d like to slime YOU, Governor Perry!

Big news, boys and girls ... I’m expecting my latest delivery from Shelf Reliance today (see my earlier post). You know, cans of freeze-dried chicken, freeze-dried mushrooms and freeze-dried diced potatoes. This is so damn exciting I might sit in the living room window to watch for the FedEx truck, which should have been here by now. (They usually deliver by 4:30.) I’ve also been tracking a delivery from Amazon that was due today — 12 bags of Popcorners — but I think UPS screwed up. The last tracking entry was yesterday and said “Arrived in Mesquite, Texas” ... but there’s no entry today that tells me it’s on a UPS truck for delivery. I am devastated beyond all comprehension. Thank God I still have baloney in the house.

Thank you for reading this.