The world’s teeniest sushi and dessert you can stick in your nose. (Seriously.)

Hello and good morning from north Texas, where we’re expecting 80° with sunshine and lots of mosquitoes. To celebrate spring the Howdygram is offering our very first double-whammy Einstein Award.

From our Why Would Anybody Do This department we’re pleased to unveil the WORLD’S TEENIEST RAINBOW WEDDING CAKE which, as you’ll see, is barely more than an inch in diameter. Also pictured below for your possible interest are the world’s teeniest meatball sub (don’t you love those little pieces of cheese?) and the world’s teeniest sushi ... all created by Jessica Hlavac, food artist and Einstein extraordinaire.

Personally, I think it’s a scam. I’ll bet Hlavac had somebody make her a 10-inch dinner plate that looks like a quarter.

And now for something completely different: Vaportrim®, the diet world’s answer to food cravings in the form of “synthesized aromas that curb your hunger.” These are inhalers scented to smell like dessert, so the next time you crave something sweet you can spend $9.95 for the opportunity to inhale blueberry muffins, apple pie or strawberry shortcake. (At least you don’t have to brush your teeth afterwards.)

Too bad Vaportrim never considered my favorite cravings, such as baloney on white bread, Mongolian chicken or grilled American cheese with six green olives. Holy crap, what a bunch of Einsteins.

Sam will be home momentarily from getting a haircut and a quick junket to Wal-Mart, at which time we’ll eat mozzarella sticks for lunch and watch a nice movie. Thank you for reading this.