News flash. Humphrey Bogart sucked at foreign accents.

I have to admit, this was probably the best St. Patrick’s Day EVER. We had lunch at Hong Kong Royal, enjoyed an extended nap as soon as we got home, and then Sam and I spent the afternoon hanging out on our patio because the weather was perfect (75°, mostly cloudy and NO BUGS). But wait, there’s more! This afternoon I reordered another dozen cans of Loma Linda faux “Swiss Stake” from Amazon, two big boxes of Equal from Wal-Mart — only five bucks each! — and a dozen jars of sugar-free Vlasic bread & butter pickles from Buy the Case, an exceptionally cool website where everything is — take a guess — sold only by the case! Their prices are good, shipping is cheap and there’s no sales tax. A double yee-haw for cheap shipping and no sales tax!

I also ordered a pantry organizer from Shelf Reliance that was half the price of a similar product on Amazon and has lots of great user reviews. Apparently this thing is HUGE, which means I’ll finally be able to straighten out all my cans of diced tomatoes and fake meat. (I have a lot of fake meat.)

And now I think I’ll make myself a gigantic mug of sugar-free hot chocolate and shlep Sam into the family room to watch a movie with me. (He’s playing Texas Hold ’em on PokerStars.net.) Come on over if you have nothing else to do, okay? We’re planning to watch Virginia City with Errol Flynn, Randolph Scott, Miriam Hopkins and Humphrey Bogart, who’s a Mexican bandit with an accent so atrocious he actually sounds French. (Bogart’s mustache isn’t too exciting, either.)

Thank you for reading this.