Holy crap. I just finished watching Rod Blagojevich’s live farewell address to the troops on
MSNBC.com, broadcast from the sidewalk in front of his house in Chicago. It’s pretty hard to believe at this late date — he reports to federal prison tomorrow to begin a 14-year sentence — that Blago still has NO CLUE what he did wrong. His speech was a delusional
train wreck that I couldn’t stop watching.
To condense 18 minutes of bullshit (I was actually typing as he spoke) into one neatly-written paragraph, ex-Governor Blowhard said his biggest mistake was “not being humble enough” (seriously? that’s it?) but he always “did the right thing for Illinois” and “the people know the truth.” He boasted about his one accomplishment — free city bus rides for seniors — and still insists he never knew that racketeering, bribery, fraud and conspiracy were illegal because it was all “just politics.” “In the end,” he said, “I was on the right side of the law but the jury thought a line was crossed,” their “decision went against” him, and now he’s stuck “paying a price for trying so hard for the people of Illinois.” His final thought to the crowd on Ravenswood Avenue? “Right makes might.” (What the hell.
Now he thinks he’s King Arthur.)
In an effort to immortalize this unapologetic egomaniac one last time, please feel free to clip and save the following mask, suitable for Halloween or target practice. Even better, line your litter box with my compliments.
A sad final thought. The sugar-free Vlasic bread & butter pickles I was expecting this afternoon won’t actually be delivered until TOMORROW, which means I might have to blow my brains out. Okay
not really, but my plans for dinner are definitely ruined. I was counting on baloney and American cheese on white bread with pickles and chocolate milk!
Please send an
email if you’d like to suggest an alternate menu. Thank you for being my friend.
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