This is a VERY BIG DAY, Howdygramsters, and I think you should circle it in red on your calendars, because loudmouth Rod Blagojevich, the disgraced former governor of Illinois, is heading to federal prison in Colorado to begin a 14-year sentence for conspiracy, racketeering and fraud.
Yee-haw! I’m planning a farewell party at Howdygram headquarters today at 3 p.m. if you’d like to drop by with a couple of friends. (I’ll be serving baloney.)
As part of my day-long schedule of festivities, which includes folding bath towels, waxing my eyebrows and watching
20,000 Years in Sing-Sing starring Spencer Tracy, I just snagged an additional load of thrilling bargains from
Amazon.com. Specifically, I ordered a 12-can case of Hunt’s diced tomatoes and a box of needles for my injectable diabetes medication. Both will arrive on Friday.
And now for something completely different! I’m pleased to present a selection of exceptionally stupid official state slogans for your possible interest ... including a private critique by the Howdygram editorial board (translation: me).
- West Virginia: “Open for Business.” Like a convenience store!
- Texas: “It’s Like A Whole Other Country.” Or planet.
- Missouri: “The Cave State.” Populated by fine cave men and women.
- Massachusetts: “Make It Yours.” If I do, can it be re-gifted?
- Idaho: “Famous Potatoes.” This one’s just sad. Let’s all go to Taterland.
- Maryland: “America In Miniature.” Just don’t step on the state capitol.
- Connecticut: “We’re Full of Surprises.” That not all, pal.
- Maine: “It Must Be Maine.” Not necessarily. It might be Florida.
- Louisiana: “Come As You Are. Leave Different.” This scares me.
- Iowa: “Life Changing.” Welcome to the Menopause State.
I guess it’s time for lunch because Sam just got home from Tom Thumb with a bunch of food, such as pepper jack cheese, vanilla wafers, frozen stew vegetables and a large bottle of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray. Thank y’all for reading this. Come again.
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