I have no personal first-hand experience with Depression-era reformatories.

Howdygram headquarters narrowly averted a LAUNDRY ROOM DISASTER this afternoon. You may recall that I switched to those adorable little Tide Pods a couple of weeks ago (see portrait below) because I finally got sick of sloppy liquid detergent leaving goo on my hands and stains on my nice white shelves. Tide Pods are cute, pleasantly squishy and smell delicious. You need to try this stuff. Trust me.

So today I decide it’s probably time to throw out the rest of my giant bottle of liquid Gain — which is maybe one-third full — except as soon as I pick it up the damn thing splits down the left side AND DRIPS ALL OVER THE DRYER. What a mess! I never want to see another bottle of Gain for the rest of my natural life.

There’s breaking news today from the Howdygram’s Gouge My Eyes Out department. A man on a tour of Chicago’s city pound was arrested over the weekend and charged with HAVING SEX WITH A PIT BULL. Seriously. Gerardo Perez was arrested after he broke off from the tour group and an employee of the pound saw him sneaking into a restricted area. The employee told Perez to leave, but he came back a few minutes later and was eventually caught inside a cage getting it on with a white and gray pit bull. According to police Perez made “inculpatory statements regarding sexual conduct with the dog” to several employees of the facility. WTF! Such as ... hey baby, see ya later? Even though I can’t wrap my head around perverted horseshit like this, I don’t know why I’m surprised. Chicago has always been famous for its hot dogs, right?

I watched a gritty pre-Code movie on TCM over the weekend that really impressed me. It was The Mayor of Hell (1933) starring James Cagney and Madge Evans as an administrator and a nurse, respectively, trying to overhaul a thoroughly despicable reform school for boys. Although I have no personal first-hand experience with Depression-era reformatories, I’d be willing to bet most of this was based on reality.

Others in the cast included Dudley Digges as the sadistic warden, Frankie Darro as king of the incarcerated delinquents and Allen Jenkins as Cagney’s sidekick and comic relief, frequently referred to as “Uncle Mike” even though I don’t think he was related to anybody. (Uncle Mike was actually a little creepy.)

And now, here’s the latest pharmaceutical scandal and another blossoming class action suit, this time concerning Pfizer’s popular cholesterol drug Lipitor, which has been linked to a number of serious health problems that include muscle deterioration, kidney decline and causing type 2 diabetes. In my case I was already diabetic when I started taking Lipitor but developed problems with my kidneys and such severe muscle failure that I couldn’t stand or walk. Dr. M finally told me to cut the dose in half and start taking CoQ10 to relieve the muscle pain. (I actually stopped taking Lipitor altogether and finally feel human again.) According to the news report, Pfizer knew that Lipitor was causing type 2 diabetes and serious side effects but continued to market the medication as safe and effective. I volunteer to be first in line to whack their brains out with my cane.

Lipitor was just one more pathetic episode in the ongoing drama of Club Meds. During the last four years I have also taken: 1) Actos, a diabetes drug now known to cause bladder cancer; and 2) Byetta and Victoza, two injectable diabetes medications linked to pancreatic cancer. Thank God I never took any of these drugs for very long. After 18 months on Actos I was so sick from side effects that I had to change physicians when my doctor refused to stop prescribing it. HOLY CRAP. Don’t diabetics have enough baloney in their lives without taking drugs that cause cancer?

FYI, I also learned a few days ago that Amitriptyline, an antidepressant that I take religiously for neuropathy pain, is now known to cause erectile dysfunction. Fortunately I have not experienced a problem with this in any form whatsoever. I think my erectile is functioning quite well.

It’s after 8 p.m. and I’m officially hungry. Mongolian chicken would be awfully nice tonight but I need something faster, like pickles & biscuits or a jar of gefilte fish. I’m thinking gefilte fish. With chia seed pudding for dessert! This is almost too good to be true. Thank you for reading this.