I love shopping online in the middle of the night because I don’t have to wear a brassiere.

It’s 2:45 a.m. and I just ordered a bunch of terrific crap from Wal-Mart.com. I love shopping online in the middle of the night because I don’t have to wear a brassiere and there’s nobody else in line! This morning’s purchase included the following: 1) ReliOn chewable glucose tablets for whenever I get kablooey from low blood sugar; 2) two cheap gigantic jars of stuffed green olives; 3) two bottles of Tone Beautiful Blossoms body wash; 4) flavor extracts for my Chia Seed Pudding; and 5) Crisco sticks. (I have to use a smidgen of Crisco with my low-carb bread mix.) Incidentally, whenever you spend $45 or more on Wal-Mart’s website you get FREE SHIPPING. Free shipping is awesome.

I should go to bed now. My work here is done.