Einsteins are everywhere, people.

Howdygram headquarters is being plagued with weird crap for a Saturday morning. According to FedEx tracking information, the package I was expecting today from Wal-Mart.com has been returned to the shipper DAMAGED. And I know why even without calling FedEx ... it’s because the Einsteins in Wal-Mart’s warehouse couldn’t figure out how to protect my two gigantic glass jars of stuffed green olives!

Similar Einsteins at Amazon did the same thing last September (see post) with a shipment of gefilte fish, except the clowns at UPS decided to deliver the carton to me, anyway, in 95° heat … filled with shattered glass and saturated with rancid gefilte fish juice and spoiled fish. The smell was so disgusting I lost my appetite for two whole days, and it took six months before I had the nerve to reorder. I should have strangled the delivery driver.

But the weirdness continues! Somebody just rang the doorbell three times and drove away in a truck, and when I looked outside I found a huge plastic post office tote box at the front door stuffed with our week’s mail. Believe it or not, we set up a “vacation hold” while Sam’s been out of town because our mailbox is at the curb and I don’t get out of the house every day. Unfortunately, we had asked that all accumulated mail be delivered on MONDAY.

If I hadn’t been home today all of our important, highly confidential and personal crap — including three packages from Amazon — would have been sitting outside for TWO DAYS, uncovered and unprotected, and we’re expecting a bunch of thunderstorms this afternoon.

Einsteins are EVERYWHERE, people!

Thank you for reading this.