I’ve got a jam-packed agenda that includes making and eating a nice pot of Five-Minute Stupid Soup.

Ever wake up in the morning feeling like total crap? You know, with VERY LOW BLOOD SUGAR and A POUNDING HEADACHE and CHILLS and a GREAT BIG BRUISE ON THE SIDE OF YOUR HAND from accidentally slamming it into a pipe under the kitchen sink on Thursday night when you tried to grab your stupid bucket of Cascade pod whatnots? Well this all describes me about five hours ago, after which I ate some leftovers, took a couple of extra-strength Tylenol knockoffs from Wal-Mart and went straight back to bed. Truth be told, I’m still feeling crappy. For your possible interest a full-color portrait of the aforementioned Cascade pod whatnots appears below. (These things are actually really cool and they’re probably worth an occasional bruise.)

I’ve got a jam-packed agenda today, people, because there’s lots to do at Howdygram headquarters! My projects include: 1) emptying the dishwasher; 2) refilling the hand soap dispenser in the guest bathroom; 3) making a nice pot of Five-Minute Stupid Soup; 4) eating item three; and 5) watching several consecutive Esther Williams movies that have been recording since last night on TCM. These are Thrill of a Romance (1945) with Van Johnson, Neptune’s Daughter (1949) with Ricardo Montalban and Red Skelton (no kidding), Dangerous When Wet (1953) with Fernando Lamas and Jack Carson, Million Dollar Mermaid (1952) with Walter Pidgeon and Victor Mature and This Time for Keeps (1947) with Jimmy Durante. I love Esther Williams movies.

Just in case there may be two or three of you who’ve never seen Preston Sturges’ masterpiece The Palm Beach Story (1941), you’re in for a treat because it’s showing on TCM tomorrow night at 7 p.m. Central time. The Palm Beach Story is the mother of all screwball romantic comedies, played to perfection by Claudette Colbert in the most gorgeous clothes you’ve ever seen, Joel McCrea, Rudy Vallee, Mary Astor (maybe the best performance of her career) and a supporting cast of scene-stealers that include the Ale and Quail Club, The Weenie King (my personal favorite) and Mary Astor’s boy-toy “Toto.”

My two favorite quotes from the film:

“Cold are the hands of time that creep along relentlessly, destroying slowly but without pity that which yesterday was young. Alone our memories resist this disintegration and grow more lovely with the passing years. Heh. That’s hard to say with false teeth.” The Weenie King

“That’s one of the tragedies of this life, that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous.” John D. Hackensacker III

Hot damn. It’s lunch time.