In this post: Shopping extravaganzas, a duo of douchebags.
Aside from braunschweiger sandwiches and afternoon naps the most fun a senior citizen can have at Howdygram headquarters is SHOPPING, so I began yesterday with a modest extravaganza on Amazon that included a foaming soap pump for the master bathroom, a pair of 28-inch telescoping backscratchers for yours truly and The Inspector General DVD starring Danny Kaye. It just doesn’t get much better than this!
But I digress. This morning I also ordered the following treasures from Wal-Mart: 1) a box of chocolate brownie Clif Bars for Sam; 2) Fritos original bean dip, 3) Wal-Mart’s store brand French onion dip in a jar that gets five-star reviews; 4) two cans of sausage hash because I was really hungry; 5) a six-pack of Mezzetta Chicago-style hot Italian giardiniera; and 6) a one-gallon disposal jug for my used insulin pen needles, insulin syringes and finger-stabby things.
And now ... let’s have a Putz of the Week! I’d like to introduce off-the-charts extremist David Lory VanDerBeek, Nevada’s Constitution Party candidate for Governor in 2014. In addition to failing to win election to the U.S. Senate in 2012, VanDerBeek has posted a number of hours-long videos to YouTube to educate America that President Obama is exactly like Hitler, which he proves by describing what Hitler did to seize power in Nazi Germany and pretty soon Barack Obama will probably do all the same things. VanDerBeek prays that we’ll avoid a second civil war but he has guns and a boner just in case. If elected Governor of Nevada VanDerBeek promises to grant clemency and protection to any members of the Mafia who come forward with evidence of Obama’s crimes. Please try not to laugh while you’re reading this.
The Howdygram thinks “I don’t want to be a cold-blooded killer of police officers” would be an excellent campaign slogan. How about you?
Ah, but there’s more! You probably won’t be surprised to learn that douchebag VanDerBeek is also a devoted supporter of douchebag anti-government welfare rancher Cliven Bundy, who owes the United States more than $1 million in grazing fees and penalties for allowing his cattle to graze for more than 20 years on federally-owned land. During the last few weeks Bundy rallied armed militias to his ranch in Nevada to force a standoff with government agents. A solid citizen and a true patriot. He even carries a portrait of George Washington in his shirt pocket because GOD BLESS AMERICA.