What does a retiree wear to an aneurysm screening? I might need a new outfit.

In this post: The tamale cure, depressing invitations.

Sometimes it sucks to be me. Yesterday, for the first time ever, the pain in my right hand was so intense I COULDN’T TYPE A HOWDYGRAM POST. Since today isn’t really much better, either, I’ve decided just to eat a can of Hormel tamales — a trusted, medically-approved remedy for diabetic peripheral neuropathy — and press on. For the record, my fingers won’t bend and my hand stings like all the bones are broken. Imagine catching a speeding baseball bare-handed. I think you get my drift.

And if the aforementioned I-practically-can’t-type-a-Howdygram-post syndrome isn’t lousy enough, lately I’m receiving some really depressing social invitations in the mail such as please come to a May 23 presentation (with complimentary cookies) about the benefits of cremation and there’s a free stroke screening on June 13 at the Mesquite Elks Lodge, which is located at 4201 Gus Thomasson across the street from Ace Hardware. If I’m willing to invest $139 they’ll also throw in screenings for atrial fibrillation, chronic kidney disease, abdominal aortic aneurysms, peripheral artery disease and osteoporosis. HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP. What does a retiree wear to an aneurysm screening? I might need a new outfit.

Thank you for reading this. I need to eat things now.