Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I feel like a whole new senior citizen since I stopped taking Fenofibric Acid last week.

In this post: Socks, side effects, Happy Meals.

If you turn up the volume for a minute you’ll be able to hear that it’s LAUNDRY DAY at Howdygram headquarters. As I write this post there’s a load of Sam’s socks in the washer and a mountain of my favorite robes, caftans and stretchy lounging attire spinning around in the dryer. I can do these entertaining “housewifey” things today because I feel like A WHOLE NEW SENIOR CITIZEN since I stopped taking Fenofibric Acid last week, an evil cholesterol medication (see previous post) that tried to murder me with pain. I have an appointment next week with Dr. M and I’m pretty sure she’ll be frustrated by this latest development because I need something to help lower my cholesterol. Unfortunately, during the last four years I’ve had to discontinue every available drug due to HORRIBLE SIDE EFFECTS that included such gems as severe muscle pain and tenderness, muscle weakness, muscle cramps, exhaustion, joint pain, difficulty breathing, itching, unintentional weight gain and uncontrollable urination. I can hardly wait to find out what’s next.

I’ve got some exciting fast food news for your possible interest. Apparently McDonald’s has decided to trade in the malevolent weirdness of Ronald McDonald for a nightmare-inducing brand ambassador creature named “Happy,” a Happy Meal box with a gigantic mouth and dentures that wants to eat you.

Happy has joined the McDonald’s team to introduce a new Go-GURT option for the company’s kids’ meals because nothing tastes better with crusty nuggets of pre-chewed mystery chicken than a plastic tube of sugar pretending to be a healthy dairy product.

Just between us, though, Happy’s still better than THIS.
Thank you for your support.

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