Say goodbye to Ralph Hall, the only member of Congress who knew Bonnie & Clyde.

In this post: Old goats, lousy chickens.

Yo. I’m tired, and here’s why. Sam and I hung out in the family room until 3 a.m. watching old Bob Newhart reruns, I woke up at 5:45 for my middle-of-the-night senior citizen bathroom adventure and couldn’t fall asleep when I went back to bed so I thrashed around for about an hour, annoyed Sam, couldn’t get comfortable and eventually wound up here in the study reading the latest baloney on Gawker and Jezebel. Trouble is, I’ve got a doctor appointment this morning at 10 and that’s just about the time I need a solid morning nap if I don’t sleep well the night before. Sucks to be me, doesn’t it?

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Here’s some late-breaking political news in case one or two of you still give a crap about our government. THE WORLD’S OLDEST CONGRESSMAN LOST HIS PRIMARY RUNOFF ELECTION ON TUESDAY. Republican Ralph Hall, the 91-year-old World War II fighter pilot from Rockwall, Texas, who witnessed the geological formation of the East Texas Oil Field and actually knew Bonnie & Clyde, lost to a Tea Party halfwit who believes that Obama is a Nazi Communist from Kenya. The halfwit used modern campaign techniques such as direct mail, walking the district and meeting voters; Hall just mailed out a bunch of Honeybaked hams.

Hall is so old ... he had cosmetic surgery last year because he couldn’t see through his wrinkles, he studied ancient Rome in current events, the publisher of his high school yearbook was Guttenberg and his Social Security number is 1. (One of those things is really true.)

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And now for an addendum to my May 23 Howdygram post on the subject of FOOD CONTAMINATION. Apparently I overlooked an ongoing issue with Foster Farms chicken and drug-resistant salmonella Heidelberg so I’d like to fill you in right now.

Fifty cases of food poisoning from Foster Farms chicken have been reported since the beginning of April, bringing the total to 574 cases in 27 states during the past year. The CDC says nearly 40% have been hospitalized and 13% have developed life-threatening blood infections. I’m guessing it’s probably safe to finish my bag of tasty Foster Farms chicken patties from Costco since there are only three left and I’m not dead yet.

Thank you for reading this.