Our lawns, trees and reservoirs are laughing at the sky.

In this post: Thunderstorms, return of the dipshit.

That sound you hear? THUNDERSTORMS! Big, fat, juicy thunderstorms with heavy rain and wind and lightning and garbage can lids twirling down the street. This is GLORIOUS, people! We’re expecting another three or more inches of rain by the time this weather event ends tomorrow afternoon. Our lawns, trees and reservoirs are laughing at the sky. The red star on the following map indicates Howdygram headquarters.

In other delusional news: 1) my mobile stylist will be here tomorrow morning to cut my hair; 2) I’ve got an insulin refill ready for pickup at CVS; and 3) I’ve started receiving FAN MAIL about my May 9 Howdygram post featuring armed Texas dipshit Kory Watkins, founding member of Open Carry Texas and a candidate for Congress. In the photo below fashion-forward Kory is accessorizing for church with a fully-loaded Second Amendment Stick, which he carries everywhere he goes. Big brave Kory! (Somebody please call 911.) For the record, the rifle in this photograph is Russian-made because GOD BLESS AMERICA.

I need egg salad for dinner and I need it NOW. Thank you for putting up with me.