It’s sing-along time with Rick Santorum: “Send in the Clowns.”

Hi, boys and girls. Before I leap into this post’s primary topic I need to mention that I’m feeling a little upside-down right now after an afternoon nap that went awry. At 3:30 I stretched out on our chaise in the family room to watch Seven Days in May on TCM, conked out and didn’t open my eyes until 7. That’s a 3½-hour nap I didn’t need and definitely wasn’t expecting, which means I’ll be up all night long annoying you because I can’t fall asleep.

For your possible interest here are several exciting treasures that I bought online today: 1) two gigantic bottles of Gain lavender-scented detergent and two bottles of Scope from Wal-Mart; and 2) a dozen cans of Loma Linda “Fried Chik’n” — GOD BLESS FAKE MEAT WITH GRAVY! — from Amazon.com along with hardcover biographies of Myrna Loy and Clifton Webb, two of my favorite golden-era Hollywood personalities.

FYI, this is the first time I’m buying these huge bottles of detergent with TWO CAPS and I’m confused. Please send an email if you know what the hell they’re for because I’m way too old to start screwing up the laundry. Thank you in advance.

And now I’d personally like to extend my heartfelt thanks to GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum. The fact that he’s such an incompetent and frightening boob means he’s handing a second term to President Obama ... and that’s just fine with me! Santorum announced today in Lansing, Michigan, that it was HIGH GAS PRICES — not cheesy balloon mortgages or illegal activities on Wall Street — that collapsed the housing market in 2008 and created the current economic slump. He said: “We need to look at the situation with gas prices today. We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices. The bubble burst in housing because people couldn’t pay their mortgages because they were looking at $4 a gallon gasoline.” Seriously, Rick? You think that AIG and all those big banks and investment houses went bankrupt because of GAS PRICES?

For the record, this is the same whack-job who: 1) doesn’t believe in the constitutional separation of church and state; 2) wants to forbid women in the military from combat; 3) promotes home-schooling instead of public education; 4) wants to install hardcore Catholicism as a national religion; 5) believes that elitist, left-wing snobs like President Obama — seriously? — are forcing America’s pure and conservative children into college, where they’re indoctrinated with dangerous liberal doctrine; and 6) hopes to legislate everything that goes on under women’s skirts, including access to contraception.

Holy crap, people. This jerk’s theme song should be “Send in the Clowns.”

It’s getting late so I think I’ll pop open a can of Loma Linda Swiss Stake for dinner (a carton of 12 arrived today from Amazon), steam a sack of frozen vegetables and watch “People’s Court.” Afterwards, just for fun, I might fold socks and file my nails. You can come over if you want to, okay?

I love my life. Thank you for reading this.