Pests, idiots and Einsteins. The madness continues.

I’m in “that mood” again. You know, the one where I can’t stand my clients because they’re a bunch of pests and Einsteins. But this time it’s so bad I don’t even want to return calls or answer email. For instance, during the past few days I’ve had to deal with the following three client requests:

1. Can you make the phone number listed on my website ring my actual telephone if somebody clicks on it? No, idiot.
2. Please add a Facebook icon on my website that links to my Facebook page. And also add “Find us on Facebook” underneath because a lot of people are not familiar with Facebook’s logo. Your stupidity is seriously disturbing and I want you to GO AWAY.
3. I just received a strange letter in the mail telling me I won “Handyman of the Year” and I want you to add this to my website. It’s a very crappy idea to include meaningless or unsubstantiated recognition on your website, especially if you receive it in a letter from your MOTHER.

On a more cheerful note, IT’S FINALLY HERE! FedEx dropped off my family-size canisters of Manischewitz potato pancake mix about 20 minutes ago ... just in time for dinner!

Please send an email as soon as possible if you want to come over for a couple of latkes. (I’ve got sour cream. If you prefer applesauce you’ll have to BYO.)

Here’s some breaking news from the Garden State! Despite very strong and very vocal opposition, New Jersey’s governor Chris “Einstein” Christie (see right) has signed an executive order requiring state buildings to fly their U.S. and New Jersey flags at half-staff on Friday to honor — take a guess! — New Jersey native WHITNEY HOUSTON, who was found dead in a bathtub on February 11 after overdosing on drugs and alcohol.

Christie’s order calls Houston “a gifted singer, remarkable performer, and iconic figure who left an indelible mark upon the popular music landscape in the State of New Jersey and across our nation” and goes on to say the singer “left a legacy in this state that will be cherished for many years.” Seriously? I, for one, think the dude is insane ... and apparently I’m not the only one, because in a poll today on MSNBC.com thousands of people voted down Christie’s half-staff flag crap because Whitney Houston was in truth a drunk and a drug addict who couldn’t be left alone for 10 minutes. And just for the record, in 2010 Houston was booed off the stage three times during concerts in Australia because she apparently couldn’t sing any more, either.

On behalf of the Howdygram’s entire editorial staff — okay, just me — I think it’s outrageous that anybody should honor Whitney Houston with lowered flags, the kind of reverence that should be reserved only for FALLEN HEROES. Governor Einstein’s executive order is an embarrassment. No latkes for YOU.

Thank you for putting up with me.