Meet Victoza’s poster child for lousy lifestyles.

Before I leap into my rant du jour I’d like to mention that my new TELESCOPING BACKSCRATCHER came today! It’s bigger — seven teeth instead of five — than the old one that broke 10 days ago and covers a lot more territory without dislocating your shoulder in the process. I’m really excited and think we should all order them for every room of the house. My new one has a blue handle but you can also get pink, genuine wood or all-aluminum. (All-aluminum goes with everything.) Click here to shop now.

As promised, it’s time for today’s hysterical outburst. I’ve been holding back on this topic since last month when Paula Deen, the Food Network’s southern-fried Queen of Butter, announced that she’s had type 2 diabetes since 2008 but didn’t want anybody to know until now because she just signed a multi-million dollar deal with pharma giant Novo Nordisk to promote and endorse Victoza, the most expensive “designer” diabetes drug on the planet. (I should know. I inject it every morning.) Confused? Don’t be. The same woman who earns her fortune on TV pushing outrageously high-fat, high-sugar, high-carb recipes that can cause, exacerbate and advance a potentially life-threatening disease now collects a substantial extra paycheck as Victoza’s poster child for lousy lifestyles. And she’s taking a lot of crap from her fans, peers and the public in general. Me included.

As far as I’m concerned everything about Paula Deen is hypocritical and phony, from her syrupy personality to those blinding white dental veneers. Food columnist Paolo Lucchesi complained “there was not one modicum of regret or culpability for her entire persona and recipe encyclopedia, which is pretty much a butter-lubed bobsled ride to Diabetesville.” And TV chef Anthony Bourdain added, “I should get into the leg-breaking business so I can profitably sell crutches later.” (I love this guy.)

Out of curiosity, if you haven’t seen Paula cook and eat her famous half-pound “heart attack” burger between two Krispy Kreme donuts you might want to check out the video from an earlier Howdygram post, which makes it pretty clear why Novo Nordisk is so damn excited to have her on board. (Keep in mind ... Paula already knew she was diabetic when she filmed this episode.)

Holy crap, I’m STARVING. I think I’ll mosey into the kitchen and open a can of fake meat for dinner with a bag of steamed vegetables and watch tonight’s episode of “Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.” Thanks for stopping by.