A pair of pet peeves before breakfast.

Hello, howdy, happy Saturday and what’s for breakfast? I woke up really hungry and would probably ask Sam to shlep us over to Denny’s but it’s a little too cold outside (29°) to leave the house for a plate of food, even if it’s Senior Scrambled Eggs. We love their Senior Scrambled Eggs!

And now, please grab yourself a bagel and get comfortable. I want to unload for a minute.

Today’s pet peeve. I’m sick of Gabrielle Giffords. She was in the news again yesterday because the Navy named a COMBAT SHIP after her, and I want to know why anybody in their right mind would think that’s even remotely appropriate. What the hell for? She’s a POLITICIAN, for God’s sake, and she survived a gunshot. Big deal. Couldn’t the Navy dig up the names of a few deserving Medal of Honor winners who actually, you know, served in the MILITARY? The media and government are so obsessed with her — and she’s so over-saturated in the news — that I’m reacting to Giffords now like she's KIM KARDASHIAN. And that, dear readers, is the kiss of death.

Thank you for allowing me to spew. And I mean this most sincerely.

Today’s other pet peeve. Human skeletons who get hired as fashion models. We’ve all seen pictures of anorexic models, but Ioana Spangenberg (see below) beats them all. She’s a Romanian bag of bones with a freakish 20-inch waist that can’t possibly be for real. Spangenberg insists she eats three meals a day — please, give me a break — but a person who consumes solid food just can’t look like this. Holy crap, my wrists are thicker than her THIGHS! She says her husband thinks she’s gorgeous, and that’s certainly swell and wonderful, but any reputable fashion house or magazine that hires Spangenberg should be run out of town. She’s not a model, she’s a HANGER.

I’d better mosey into the kitchen and rustle up some grub. Thank y’all for reading this. I’ll try to be back later, but no promises.