I want weather and I want it now.

In this post: No weather, Dubya reappears.

Hello, people. It’s Thursday afternoon in north Texas and we still don’t have any weather even though the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com still insist we’re on the radar for severe crap of one form or another. Tornadoes, I think. That’s horseshit. A news tidbit on the Dallas Morning News’ website says an isolated storm passed across Denton — about 58 miles north of Howdygram headquarters — about an hour ago and dumped some hail in the parking lot at Texas Woman’s University. Big deal. I’m not impressed by this in any way whatsoever. I WANT WEATHER AND I WANT IT NOW. Thank you.

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Apparently George W. Bush — reclusive former President, retired war criminal and amateur artist — will make a rare public appearance tomorrow on the “Today Show” to debut 24 new paintings, including portraits of Vladimir Putin, Tony Blair and the Dalai Lama.

To promote the occasion Bush sat down for a candid interview with his very own offspring, Jenna Bush Hager, who earns money pretending to be a correspondent for the show and wouldn’t ask dad an embarrassing or difficult question if her life depended on it.

Let’s be honest here. George W. Bush has never had to face his failings or work for anything in his ENTIRE LIFE. Hey, you want to go to Yale? Hey, you want to be Governor? Hey, you want to be President? At least Richard Nixon had the decency to slink off into obscurity after becoming a national disgrace.

So while George is obviously trying hard to change his legacy by hawking these pathetic paintings, all we’ve really got at the end of the day are his two shitty terms in office, lots of dead people, billions spent on phony wars, the legalization of domestic spying, the collapse of the nation’s economy and a renewed worldwide hatred for the United States. I’m sorry, Dubya, but you don’t get to be the harmless old grandpa who paints puppies after you hang up your global mass murderer hat!

Thank you for putting up with me, and I mean this sincerely.