Thank God I’m retired because technology makes me sick.

In this post: Headaches, horseshit, brain damage.

I’m not exactly sure how to write this post. At the moment I’ve got a migraine headache resulting from a major brouhaha today with my website hosting company, Web.com. I’ll try to explain what happened without screaming. In case you need a definition, a “brouhaha” is a regular garden-variety hoo-hah with significant additional hysterics.

Okay, so here goes. One of my clients sent an email yesterday to tell me his website was offline. When I checked with Web.com this morning they explained that his domain name had expired at the beginning of March. THAT’S FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO, PEOPLE. I told them nobody at Web.com ever sent me the standard 60-day renewal notice, for which they apologized — “oops, our bad, sorry” — and let me renew the domain name for two years. Just when I thought everything was fine I get an email at 3:30 this afternoon from an Einstein in Web.com’s billing department advising that the renewal fee they charged to my credit card today had to be reversed for the following reasons: 1) they no longer control my client’s domain name because it expired more than 30 days ago; and 2) it’s been turned over to an “aftermarket/auction” company for resale. Bottom line: I can’t renew the domain name, Web.com has no idea who owns it and my client’s website is defunct, deceased, permanently deleted and gone forever.

I TOTALLY WANT TO THROW UP. How the hell can something like this happen? Web.com’s failure is horseshit on so many levels I want to beat somebody senseless with my cane and hurl ice cubes at their face!

This is just one more reason why I’m so damn glad I retired last June. I’m sick of dealing with crap technology, stupid people and the endless aggravation of running a small business! I sincerely hope that my remaining clients — THIS IS A HINT! PAY ATTENTION! — will find new website designers before the end of the year and leave me the hell alone already. Thank you.

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It’s presently 8 p.m. and I need to ponder dinner IMMEDIATELY. I think I might heat up a few frozen Schwan’s egg rolls because it’s an excuse to eat Chinese mustard. In case you’re interested, I make my own Chinese mustard from scratch with S&B Oriental Hot Mustard powder. You just mix a heaping teaspoon of powder with a little tap water and stir until it’s as thick or thin as you want. This crap is AWESOME and tastes exactly like the Chinese mustard in restaurants that gives you brain damage.

Please live and be well. Shalom.