Saturday, April 19, 2014

Important Easter news and unexpected tacos.

In this post: Peeps, Jesus, commandments, surprise tacos.

I didn’t think I’d ever stay awake long enough today to write a Howdygram post, but guess what, people ... I was wrong and here I am! I’ve got a couple of Easter-related items of interest to share with you tonight. First up, here’s a video of a moron trying to eat 100 marshmallow Peeps in two minutes. Too bad nobody bothered to film his diabetic coma afterwards. Holy crap.

Next, ABC News is reporting that a short order cook at the Cowgirl Cafe in Norco, California, discovered Jesus in a pancake on Good Friday. Co-owner Gary Henderickson said, “To us it looks like a picture of Jesus looking down, like he’s looking down over us.” For the time being they’ve decided to store Jesus in the freezer for safekeeping, although Henderickson admits he doesn’t know why God chose to bless him with his son’s image on a wad of fried dough. “I can’t explain why God acts the way he does,” he said. Unfortunately, Mr. Henderickson, the Howdygram disagrees with your assessment. We think God sent you a pancake of CHARLES MANSON.
And now it’s time to wake Sam from his evening nap so we can watch our favorite Passover blockbuster, Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments (1956) starring Charlton Heston as Moses, Yul Brynner as Ramses and Anne Baxter as Nefretiri. At no extra charge you also get pyramids, chariots, the parting of the Red Sea with no help whatsoever from computer-generated animation and a cast of thousands.
This movie is unforgettable on so many different levels ... the fabulous wigs and costumes, the cheesy dialog and theatrical posing, way too many Egyptians, misquoted Bible verses, excellent plagues, a fascinating first seder with the angel of death creeping from house to house and Edward G. Robinson as a douchebag evildoer named Ted Cruz Dathan. The Ten Commandments is almost never shown on TV so we were damn excited to record it tonight.
I think I’ll make some tacos and surprise Sam! I always use taco-flavored textured vegetable protein from Shelf Reliance that cooks in three minutes so we can have instant Tex-Mex gratification any time, day or night. And because I’ve got the best-stocked pantry in Texas I can even offer Sam his choice of flour tortillas or regular crunchy taco shells!

Damn, I’m hungry.

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