Schwan’s home delivery is frequently my only contact with the outside world.

In this post: William Powell, canned shrimp.

It’s Tuesday morning, 7 a.m., and I’ve been awake since 4:45 doing practically nothing except catching up on current events via assorted news websites. Also shopping. I just ordered a box of AA batteries plus the following DVDs from Amazon because they’re very old and very hard-to-find Philo Vance mysteries starring William Powell: The Greene Murder Case (1929) with Jean Arthur and Eugene Pallette and The Benson Murder Case (1930) with Natalie Moorhead and Hopalong Cassidy (William Boyd). Oh boy, people. I LOVE THIS STUFF!

William Powell also starred in an earlier Philo Vance mystery called The Canary Murder Case (1929) with Louise Brooks. This one was actually a silent film re-shot with assorted sounds but apparently the DVD quality is really putrid and every reviewer suggests that nobody should waste a nickel on it. So I won’t.

And now it’s time for a Howdygram public service announcement in case you ever get suckered into buying a can of Bumble Bee shrimp. Last week I decided — for reasons that defy logic — it would be really convenient to keep a few cans of shrimp in the pantry because mayonnaise is my favorite food group and I might have a craving one day for shrimp salad. So I ordered a few cans from Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Bumble Bee canned shimp is so repulsive that I may never eat shrimp salad again for the rest of my life. Not only do these ugly little things taste like crap, they’re also tough, mealy, chewy, annoying, rude and smell bad. This definitely was NOT the shrimp experience I’d hoped for and eventually I scraped the entire bowl down the disposer. Bottom line: AVOID THIS CRAP NO MATTER WHAT. Stick with tuna, okay?

Anything interesting on your agenda today? I’ve got nothing on mine whatsoever, not counting our biweekly delivery of Schwan’s tasty frozen whatnots at 11:30. Today’s order includes four bags of Sam’s favorite mozzarella sticks and a box of really nice corn dogs, pictured below.

By the way, if you’ve never tried Schwan’s home delivery you should really give them a shot. You order online and a friendly delivery doofus comes over every other week to carry your food into the kitchen and complain about the weather. As a housebound senior citizen this is frequently my only contact with the outside world not counting Sam and waving at the landscapers.

Thank you for reading this.