Tonight’s agenda includes insulin injections, cheesy movies and laundry.

In this post: Sign the petition, cheesy movies.

Good evening, fellow activists! (If you’re NOT a fellow activist please humor me, okay?) I’m excited to announce that the Senate has passed an extension of unemployment benefits, and now the only thing standing between millions of out-of-work Americans and this urgent safety net is the weirdo douchecanoe pictured below.

Please take a minute to sign the Democratic Party’s petition to pester John Boehner into supporting this emergency legislation in Congress. Thank you in advance for your brilliant decision and please tell your friends.

In other news closer to home there really isn’t much to report tonight unless you get excited about insulin injections, cheesy movies and laundry. The aforementioned cheesy movies are programmed to record tomorrow morning and include the Irwin Allen volcanic dreckfest When Time Ran Out (1980) starring Paul Newman, William Holden and an all-star cast of suffering talent, Cosmic Monsters (1958) starring Forest Tucker and The Wasp Woman (1959), a thoroughly horrible Howdygram favorite starring nobody of any consequence. 

It’s already 11 p.m. and time for the tastiest late-night snack I ever invented: two teeny cans of Vienna sausages buried in a puddle of low-carb chili. No kidding, people, this is the nectar of the gods. If I feel extra-frisky I might even throw in a few hot sport peppers. (I love hot sport peppers.)

Thank you for reading this.