Monday, April 21, 2014

It’s time for a new season of psychotic crab fishermen freezing to death on the Bering Sea.

In this post: Changes, canned ham, crab fishermen.

I’m excited to begin a new week with a gigantic announcement: I’VE DECIDED TO USE A DARKER SHADE OF BROWN FOR THE CONTENT OF MY HOWDYGRAM POSTS! In case you don’t believe me or can’t remember what the old shade of brown looked like, here’s a convenient side-by-side illustration to share with your friends and relatives.

As I write this post Sam is on his way to Wal-Mart to stock up on really important crap for the week ahead. This includes a very large bag of high-quality shredded cheddar cheese, taco shells, salsa, Coke Zero, a prescription refill, two cartons of insulin syringes and Jimmy Dean brown & serve sausages. I hope he hurries home because it’s already after 11 and I’M STARVING TO DEATH. I might have to make an emergency bowl of ham salad to tide me over.
If you’re interested, I buy these little cans of Hormel smoked ham by the case from Amazon, and my best emergency ham salad recipe involves two cans of smashed-up ham, a wad of mayo, some sugar-free relish and low-carb rye bread. Holy crap, people, this stuff is WONDERFUL.

There’s nothing of any consequence on my schedule this week except for tomorrow night’s season premier of “Deadliest Catch” on the Discovery Channel, where you can watch — in high definition! — six boats of psychotic crab fishermen freezing to death on the Bering Sea. It’s fine entertainment for the entire family and some of the best photography you’ll ever see. Don’t miss it, okay? Sam and I are addicted.
Thank you for reading this. I’ll try to come back later.

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