Tuesday, April 22, 2014

To my 12 remaining clients: it’s time to move on and leave me alone.

In this post: Dumping clients, pickles & biscuits, a shitty movie.

Here’s some big news from the world of Marcy’s Retirement! About an hour ago I started composing an email announcement to my 12 remaining clients that I’m closing down what’s left of my website design business by the end of this year so it’s time for them to move on and leave me alone. Why now? Because I received an email this afternoon from a client in South Carolina (he owns a custom bakery) who wants to expand his website with six new pages, four million cupcake pictures and an online ordering system. After I said hell no, fat chance, take your business somewhere else, it occurred to me this was an absolutely perfect opportunity to let all of my clients know what I plan to do. Last June I stopped accepting credit cards and all new business; now I’m finally ready to end everything else. I’m so excited I might have a brain hemorrhage. With apologies to Martin Luther King, FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I’M FREE AT LAST! (You get my drift.)

To celebrate I’ve decided to make pickles & biscuits tonight for dinner, which will probably be sooner rather than later because I’m sinking slowly into hypoglycemia. (Don’t tell Sam. He worries.)

So far Sam and I are enjoying this week’s John Wayne film festival on TCM (see my earlier post) with the distinct exception of Somewhere in Sonora (1933), which is probably the shittiest movie ever made. For instance: 1) all of the action sequences are spliced from a silent Ken Maynard western with cheesy added sound effects; 2) John Wayne’s sole function is to interact with an assortment of cartoonish characters that include evil men in black hats, a pair of demented battling sidekicks (think Curly and Moe) and a couple of floozies who share one functioning brain cell between them; and 3) the score is a rip-off of 42nd Street. You know, for tap-dancing.
For your possible interest, on tonight’s agenda at Howdygram headquarters are the season premier of “Deadliest Catch” on the Discovery Channel and this week’s episode of “Hardcore Pawn.” If anybody wants to come over please click here to reserve a spot on the sofa. (Bring your own crunchy crap; I’ve got sugar-free Hawaiian Punch.) Thank you.

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