Behold ... “gefilte fish for goyim.”

I’m running on empty today and I can’t figure out why. I had more than enough sleep last night in addition to a two-hour nap that ended at 3 p.m. just in time to watch Sam leave for work. However, I need a little extra energy to tackle the mountain of laundry waiting for me so I’m thinking I should scrounge up something fun to eat, such as frosted cake and leftover egg foo young. (I have a really nice life.)

I have a question for you. What the hell is wrong with baloney? Baloney is basically a hotdog on steroids that’s mighty wonderful on white bread with two slices of American cheese. Sam completely disagrees, makes a face and says baloney is “gefilte fish for goyim.”

Please post a comment or send an email if you’re a baloney fan so I won’t get too despondent about this. Baloney is good. Nobody should hate on baloney.

Today’s pet peeve. Idiot clients who make me resend email attachments over and over and over because they can’t figure out how to retrieve them on a Blackberry. I just went five rounds with a bozo bridal consultant in South Carolina who kept writing back: “I didn’t get the attachment.” This is YOUR problem, Einstein, not MINE. Figure out how to use your stupid phone and stop wasting my time.

Today’s other pet peeve. Deadbeats. And I refer specifically to one client in particular who’s been making me crazy for THREE YEARS and can’t pay her bills under any circumstances whatsoever. Her credit card is rejected every time a quarterly web hosting payment is due and I wind up with another lie from her growing arsenal: 1) my purse was stolen; 2) a scam just wiped out my bank account; 3) my house is in foreclosure and I can’t pay you; 4) I’m out of the country and don’t have my bank password; 5) I need to feed my family first; and 6) I’ll have to get back to you on (pick one) Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, tomorrow, tonight or next week. She’s officially out of second chances. If she can’t cough up her quarterly hosting payment by the end of the day tomorrow I intend to shut down her website. To tell you the truth, I haven’t been this excited about anything since I discovered sugar-free halva on Amazon.com.

Incidentally, despite evidence to the contrary, I have NOT turned into a cranky old poop-head even though I just hung up on a telemarketer from the Mesquite Lions Club and wrote two rather intense paragraphs about pet peeves. I’m just an attractive and opinionated senior citizen with zero patience for morons, dimwits, jerks, frauds and Einsteins. Thank you for reading this, and I sincerely hope you’re having a wonderful day.