Razor refills, home-delivered Whoppers and three naked celebrities.

Some people subscribe to “National Geographic.” I subscribe to Charmin. Such is the life of a web-shopping addict. Thanks to Amazon.com I almost never have to set foot in a grocery store unless I need grapes or a gallon of milk. I buy damn near everything else online, and I especially love Amazon’s Subscribe & Save program because you get an extra discount, free shipping, no sales tax and really speedy service. So far — in addition to toilet paper — I get recurring deliveries of Ziploc bags in two different sizes, peanut butter, coffee, shampoo, sugar-free Israeli halva, deodorant, toothpaste, dishwasher detergent, laundry supplies, body wash, Atkins snack bars, Mach 3 razor refills for Sam (remember him?) and I’m considering canned tomatoes.

Fast food news you can use. Beginning in February Burger King fans (Burger King has fans?) can “have it their way” at vending machines and grocery stores because the chain is lending its name to a new line of crappy snack chips ... because apparently they paid a marketing Einstein to discover that’s exactly what America needs. This venture is in partnership with the same idiot company that created a line of crappy snack chips for T.G.I. Friday’s. Burger King’s two flavors will be “Ketchup & Fries” and a yet-to-be named chip that’s supposed to taste like flame-broiled burgers. I’m definitely feeling nauseated.

But that’s not all. In a desperate effort to catch up with its fast food rivals, Burger King is also experimenting with home delivery. Customers will be able to order online or by phone, although at the present time delivery is available only in the Washington, D.C. area. If it’s successful the pilot program will be rolled out nationwide along with discount coupons for gastric bypass surgery. Just promise me nobody dressed like that gigantic king with the plastic head will ever show up at my front door.

Three naked celebrities. And finally, here’s a little something from our God Bless Photoshop department courtesy of comedian Conan O’Brien, who’s trying to beat the anticipated ban on morphing heads of public figures onto random naked bodies. Is this awesome, or what?

I think I’ll mosey into the family room now and sleep through one of my favorite movies ... The Kennel Murder Case starring William Powell. Thank you for reading this.